There are reasons why suicide happens.

Now I won't be writing from just the "something happened to you, you feel sad and bam, let's die" angle. I am including the mental health condition part. So let's start from establishing the fact that I am bipolar. Yes, bipolar mental disorder. Clinically diagnosed. Taking drugs and undergoing therapy.

This declaration is important because I see people coming out to say, stop claiming depression and mental health issues so you can sound knowledgeable about an issue. So this one is not a claim, I can send you a copy of my doctor's report. I carry it around with my documents. Ehen, now that that one is clear. Let's talk. You see all of you talking about suicide being selfish don't know what you are saying.

You think we wake up and just want to k!ill ourselves, because we don't want to be around you people and bear the pain alone. Because our existence somehow makes your life better. Because you even care about what we are going through? One of the reasons why people think about suicide is pain. You want the pain to stop. So let me tell you a story beyond my mental health disorder.

I was ra* ped as a kid.5 freaking years of s€*xual abu**se. And you know what that did to me? Trauma, fam. Trauma. I started having flashbacks so vivid I could feel the physical pain even years after the abu*se had stopped. I wanted the pain to stop. I needed it to stop. I wanted the voices in my head telling me how worthless I was to stop. So I attempted suicide for the first time in 2012.

Now let me ask you, isn't it selfish of you to think that I should live through the pain so people who didn't bother getting therapy for me even after they found out what happened to me, people who told me to su*ck it up and just move on since I'm not the first person who was r**aped and I would not be the last person, would not feel bad and hurt because I ki!lled myself? Let's switch places, come and take these voices, come and take this heartache that makes me hyperventilate sometimes and makes me have asthmatic attacks. Then maybe I would be a little less selfish.

Let's talk about schizoaffective disorders now. The thing with these things is that sometimes nothing really has to just happen. Sometimes, there is no emotional explanation for why you are all of a sudden so depressed even when you should be happy. I mean, you just won a price but you're so depressed. Then let's talk about the bouts of mania.

For some of us, we get aggressive and vi!olent and we do not remember what happened sometimes. People just tell us tales of what we did and sometimes they think we are just feigning ignorance. Now imagine hurting those you love when you inexplicably fly off the handle and you can't even remember. You see the same way most of these behaviors are involuntary and uncontrollable unless with proper therapy and drugs?

It's the same way the suicidal tendencies hit us most times. No explanation. It's not us sitting in one place and throwing a pity party for ourselves. It's not us thinking about ourselves. It's just the inexplicable urge to end it all. Last last, there is such a thing as personality differences. People have different pain thresholds and endurance levels. Please, resist that silly urge to judge others based on your own endurance levels. Live and let live fam.

Also, you know what all these talk of selfishness does to people with mental health issues? It makes us feel guilty. It makes us feel worse about ourselves. Then it deepens our mental health struggles and then you have a worse case in your hands. If you really care, please keep quiet if you do not have anything nice to say. You're entitled to your opinions but there are places you should just keep quiet.