Surprising huh? In the Igbo community, women are allowed to marry women. Pay her brideprice and all. This is not an old-fashioned practice that is now outdated. No. This is a custom still practised in so many Igbo communities till today.
A woman goes in search of a wife, makes the usual enquiries, takes her people and goes to pay the younger woman's bride price and carry out every customary requirement and they live as woman-husband and woman-wife.
Circumstances surrounding this practice.
1. In a situation where a woman has no son or no child, if her husband dies, she is culturally allowed to marry a woman to bear children to carry on the late husband's name. The woman-husband pays the bride price of the woman-wife and brings her back home.
They choose the man the woman-wife gets to sleep with. Ideally, a married man from another town is chosen. A married man in order to prevent future child custody battles and a distant community in order to silence wagging tongues who would point out the identity of the father to the child.
The identity of the father is kept a secret even from the child himself. Most often than not, different men are used for each offspring. The selection of the men is no mean feat. Even though all the man is bringing to the table is his sp€erm, a lot is taken into consideration.
His virility; the number of male and female children he has on his own.
His ancestral history; are there traces of madness, theft, any peculiar sickness in his family.
His ability to be discreet; in such situations, the identity of the father is best kept a secret.
After the woman-wife takes in she ceases all contacts with the man forever. He was only a sperm provider. He would never meet his child. The woman-husband and the woman-wife live together and raise their family that way.
2. Another situation where it is permissible for a woman to take a wife is when the husband of the woman impregnates a sub*ordinate. This can be seen in situations where a woman's housemaid gets impregnated by the said woman's husband. When most women find out, they marry the housemaids and beat their husbands to it.
The housemaid becomes the woman's wife and the child the wife's. She can decide to divorce the housemaid after she delivers or continue with the marriage and keep her away from her husband.
3. Also when a woman who is yet to have a son gets past childbearing age, she, rather than her husband can marry a wife and let the husband sleep with her. This is done in order to silence the woman-wife. Technically, the woman still remains the first and only wife of the man.
She only loaned her husband her own wife. She can even monitor the frequency of their $£×ual activity to make sure it is strictly for procreation and not pleasure. This arrangement is because of the overzealousness of most second wives. This way, the first wife still has the power and respect.
4. When an elderly woman whose kids are not around ages, she and her kids can arrange to marry a spinster for her to take care of her and live with her the remaining days of her life.
This case is a peculiar one. The woman-wife is mostly a lady who had previously had kids out of wedlock and is seen as 'damaged goods' or 'nna ga anu' and has little or no hope of ever getting married again except to an old man or as a third wife.
These ladies who had hitherto given up hope of getting married because of age or illegitimate children jump at such opportunities to marry an elderly woman. All they have to do is take care of the women and they would be in turn be taken care of.
My childhood nanny got married this way, to an elderly woman after having two kids before wedlock. They have affairs but keep them discreet out of respect to their woman-husbands. If their woman-husbands refuse they have no option but to put a stop to the affair.
So there you have it. This custom is respected and practised to this day. So when the government passed the anti-g@y law, most of us wondered if they would go into the villages and arrest those ladies living as woman-wife and woman-husband.
The church conveniently turns a blind eye to this practice probably because the said women are not getting married for le$b!an reasons. This is a beautiful tradition. Eccentric yet beautiful.
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