The Most Important Men in My Life, and Crazy Best Friend

I just remembered something now. It made me laugh the day it happened and it still makes me laugh every time I remember that day. Oya see the gist:
Sometime last month, I was in Calabar and as usual whenever I am in Calabar I try to spend as much time as possible with one of the most important men in my life, my crazy best friend(I don't know which of us is crazier now because that young man has started doing and saying plenty bad things too).

So on my last Monday in Calabar, we decided to go for the Oath taking ceremony of some fresh graduates of University of Calabar medical school. My mum is a lecturer in the medical school so I told her my best friend and I would branch by her office when we were done.

We left the program after 10 minutes because we did not understand why the woman who was giving a talk kept saying that one cannot be a good medical doctor if he or she does not have faith in God and why after telling the fresh doctors that it would be difficult for them to practice in Nigeria because of lack of available spaces for them to do their residency programs and other such things, she now told them not the leave to seek greener pastures elsewhere.

So we left for my mum's office. After a few hours of disturbing her and helping her arrange her office, my best friend left to trouble other souls in Unical and I entered the car to go home with mumsi. On the way home, mumsi decided to stop and see a certain evangelist she has some dealings with.

Now, this evangelist is a razz somebody, ready to cause fi!ghts and to call down thunder mixed with ins**ults on people. So I was quite wary of her and minding my business. I actually wanted to stay in the car but my mother who takes pride in introducing her daughter to every single person(which is sometimes a bit worrisome to me because people start trying to assume aunty and uncle and parent role in your life, dictating to you what to do even when your own parent would not do so and when you now put them in their place, they'd turn to worry my mother about her disrespectful daughter), insisted that I come into the church and greet the woman.

Fam, that is how this irreligious girl entered prayer session. After exchanging pleasantries, the woman told me to go lie on the altar and talk to god. Me like this, I wanted to protest o but I decided to be nice. I laid on the altar and started giggling because it was quite funny. Then I got up because I was getting bored and the dust was about choking me.

She then asked me to sit on the revolving chair on the altar while she placed her hands on my shoulder and prayed for me. While praying for me, she was using me as a point of contact to prophesy to my younger sister(I am my mother's only daughter, I don't even have any younger sibling). That was when the laughter almost choked me, I covered it with cough o. I mean, let me not come and disgrace my mother outside na.

Then we rose to go and the woman asked when I was going back to Ghana. My mother told her Saturday. The woman then said I should come for prayers on Friday night. Then she made the mistake and told me to fast all day before coming so that the Holy Spirit would be able to see the desires of my heart and minister them to her. In my head, I was like see this one na, shebi your own Holy Spirit used to have temporary blindness once he sees food na.

Mumsi now tried to answer for me, she said "yes she will fast". Me, I replied, "I will not fast. In fact, I cannot fast".
The lady was shocked. She just said I should sha come. We went home and I spent a lot of time thinking and laughing about the matter. But you know what really makes me laugh anytime I remember this matter? It is what I spent Friday night doing.

Brethren and sisthren, instead of going to pray so I would stop having bad dreams like the woman claimed I was having(me that dreams mostly about food, books, wine or s€ex. Beautiful, sweet things), I was busy drinking something that has plenty ethanol in it, eating peppery suya and watching people in BBN grab each others bu*tts(yea that day, they were having a but.ts grabfest). And no, I did not fast.