It is easy to say, "be there" for your depressed friends. How exactly can one be there? What if the person shuts people out? Truth is, not every depressed person wants to talk about it. There is always this feeling of "they don't know what I'm going through". Either that or they don't want to be seen as a burden to anyone.
They're convinced they can fight their way through it and they would rather try on their own than be a nuisance to anyone. Sometimes, they can't even tell you why they feel that way because they don't know. That deep seated angst has no source. So how can you be there for them when they won't even let you in?
Answer: Still be there!
Years ago when I had my tumultuous days, my friend Obianuju knew. A lot of people including my family knew too and tried to help but the difference was, while they came from a place of pity and duty which I vehemently hated, she came from a place of normalcy. I locked her out at first. That feeling of, LEAVE ME BE, I'M FINE even when I wasn't.
But she was undeterred. If I were the one I would have probably said, fu*ck this shit and left, but she kept on bang!ing on the metaphorical closed door. She would send me witty messages and challenge me to a poem-off. Not serious poems. Something like;
Roses are red
Vi!olets are blue
Bradley loves me
You know it's true
She never used the word "sorry". She kept the conversation light and fluffy. We would discuss about our crushes and why we didn't like them. As if we had a shot in the first place. Some days we sent up to 40 sms back and forth. I found myself laughing like a hyeena when I desperately wanted to curl up and cry my eyes out. Just like that the the shut door caved and I let her in.
My parents had watched me deteriorate helplessly, but slowly I bounced back. Queen herself doesn't know what she did. She was just being there. She was just there. Calling, giving me details of what happened at school, nothing deep or serious. The very few times I told her she helped in saving me, she felt I was joking or exaggerating because according to her, she didn't do anything extraordinary. If only she knows.
Sometimes when the bouts of blues come, I run to her to vent. Not for advice, but just to free the demons in my head. She's always there. And that fact, that I could run to someone no matter how crippled I felt helped monumentally.
So sometimes, you don't have to do much for that struggling friend. Just be there. You don't even have to advise them. Just listen if they want to talk. If they don't want to talk, be there all the same. Talk about the seemingly uninteresting things. About handsome men and Nicki Minaj's bu£tt.
About politicians and dolphins. About the colour yellow and launching space ships. Just talk. Just don't be too far. Just extend that person's happiness even with a minute. And Dr Helena, I know you hat€e "sloppiness" as you call it , but I lovee you. Not enough 'E's in the world.
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