1.
I'm going to be sharing personal cringe-worthy love moments. Maybe because I've had my fill of the sweet and emotionally diabetic love stories I've been writing. I might as well balance them out with not so sweet personal experiences.
Back in my early days at the Uni, I met this cute guy. He asked me out, I did gra gra. I've always loved persistence. But after months of maybes, I gave him a yes. Those were the days of social media 2go. We had most of our chats on 2go or Facebook.
Few weeks into the new relationship, he put up a new status update which read "If you know there's a U in your name, I'm always online because of you" Booooom!!!!! My head exploded. My ori was irreversibly daru-ed. My name is Uzoamaka. See that U? Mehnnn!!!
To me, that status was equivalent to shouting my name on top of the Eiffel tower.
He chatted me up:
Him: So did you see my status
Me: Yes I did (uses both hands to draw shirt with pride like Patience Ozokwor) hahaha...
Him: You know I was referring to you right?
Me: Of course I do (pushes up br€ast whilst adjusting my crown)
In my mind, eji m ya n'oru so much that he couldn't stifle the PDA on 2go of all places My brethren, few weeks later I got to find out that he was simultaneously dat!ing my friend named Ukamaka for the past 8 months!
See that U? Wasn't my U. So my U was embedded in the second letter of my name, hers was the first.
Each time I tell my friends Chiamaka about how silly and naive I was, I always tell this particular story so they'll laugh with me and at me. All that dance over a simple letter U.
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2.
Few months after I gained admission, I met this guy named Chibueze. I was a green-horned teenager who didn't know how to react to his unwanted overtures. This wasn't a case of gra-gra or "forming". I just didn't like him. I turned him down repeatedly. He still popped up like toast. #PunIntended
He'd ask me out to eat, I'd say no. He'd send recharge cards, I'd send them back. I was and I still am very mean. One day he called me with the clichéd "just have lunch with me, if you don't like me, I won't trouble you again".
At first I refused, but after much persuasion by him and my friend, I caved. He asked me to come with a particular friend of mine who is really pretty. I obliged because in my mind, he was starting to like the babe and better her than me.
We got to Mr Biggs, my friend and I took one meat pie each, (#150 each at that time) and bottled water. He pressed for us to take more, we refused cos my friend's boyfriend was waiting for us. We left.
Few days later there was a serious commotion outside my lodge. My landlord was having a heated argument with someone and moments later, one of my landlord's sons came to call me. My landlord was arguing with Richard who insisted that I be brought out and made to pay him #5000.
That he spent that amount pursuing me. My landlord asked him how much he spent on the date and he said #600. 500 for our meat pie and water, 100 for our bike fare home. So where was the remaining #4400 coming from? Dude said he factored in interest rate, time wasted, airtime he used to call me, and miscellaneous things.
I was raving. Mad ehnn!!! I shouted and screamed and cursed and blablabla. My landlord asked me to go inside that he would settle with him. I did. Only for him to tell me days later that he eventually gave Richard the #5000 so I should refund him or else he'd ask my dad to.
Immediately I heard him say dad, I rushed and gave him the 5K. My dad would skin me alive if he got to hear all that BS. That event mentally scarred me. Each time I go out on a date I seldom ask for anything. I actually eat at home before going out on a date.
If I eventually take anything, I always insist on paying. It's always a tug of war. The guys would normally feel I'm exercising control over them and sometimes say, "you're taking this your feminism thing way too far". They don't know, and it made me remember an event that occurred to me when I was a fresher in Uniport.
I have always had this distrust for humans of the opposite s €x because I felt they always had something up their sleeves, even if it was not always, but most of the time. Whenever a guy threw around tales of how much he loved me, I hardly ever believed.
Even if I was in a relationship, I rarely ever trusted fully cos time and time again, guys rarely ever dated one female. I never thought it wise to k!ill myself over a member of the opposite s £× when I knew that he was probably throwing the same lines he told me to the next babe that walked by.
I was fresh into Uni, naive in some matters, though I was not in the league of dumb bimbos. There was a guy of the Ikwerre tribe, who lived in his family house, not minding he was supposed to be matured in age and size, asking me out again.
He had a way with words, knowing how to say those things one wanted to hear.
As usual, my instinct kicked in and sieved all the sweet nonsense he had told which were all lies. He wanted to know where I lived then, which I refused vehemently on letting him know, especially when I barely knew anything about him, apart from the lies he spun. Women As Gate Keepers of Patriarchy
He kept on inviting me over to his house. One day, I decided to see where he lived. You might wonder why I agreed to go to his house that day. I was on my per !od, and it was one hell of a flow. Whatever intentions he had would not come to fruition.
To be on a safe side, I sat on his balcony and we stayed there for hours, while he urged me to follow him indoors. I have this stubborn streak in me. If I refuse to do something, nothing on earth will make me change my mind, not even tears.
I sat out there, while he carried a long face and served me a bottle of La Casera and Gala. The next day, he sent me a message telling me to give him two thousand naira. I burst out laughing.
He claimed that he spent two thousand naira on me, and I turned him down at the end.
I burst out laughing as he nagged on the phone. How does Gala and La Casera correlate with two thousand naira? He thought I easily got scared. He threw around thre€ats, saying he would deal with me. I let out my wicked laugh and gave him the address, urging him to come.
The coward got scared and fled to the mountains. Ikwerre coward. Such guys make good guys like Ezedibia Okezie I rest my case.
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