While in the university my friends and I heard about this power-packed crusade that would be happening in one ministry. (For those who would think this is fiction, the ministry is located near Ezza Ezekuna Hall opposite Motherless Babies Home Abakaliki, Ebonyi State.)
We attended the ministry and it was run by a prophetess. A single lady who once told MARRIED couples not to fast or come to her for prayers after doing that their "sinning" at night. Anyway the headlining preacher for the crusade was a visiting prophet whose poster showed him wearing military regalia. War Room kind of guy. Literally.
The headlining artist for the three days was Chinyere Udoma. A renowned Eastern Gospel singer. Now the crusade started and it was power-packed as advertised. Breaking of bottles, calling out names and their owners' account balance, prophesies, and most importantly, sowing of seed.
On the afternoon of the third day, members of the youth were called by the Sister to sow seed and make an agreement prayer with the visiting Prophet. We went in anticipation. After the seed sowing and the prayers, the prophet asked for a female v!rgi*n to come and conclude the prayers and bless the seed.
Alarm come blow. Pin drop silence. Every sister was now faced down. Especially the afulawo wearing, non-earring wearing, oversized clothes wearing, non-trouser wearing, no-makeup putting kind of sisters. While they were all faced down I used style to take a roll call. Et to Sister Mary-J?
Look at our choir mistress. Even the youth coordinator that spoke against pre-marital sex with faith and trembling.
The prophet yelled, "Does this mean there is no unspoiled girl in Abakaliki? Oh, Lord! Your people have strayed!"
I looked up and our sister who owned the ministry, our sister whose customised T-shirt we were forced to buy for the crusade at the price of #1500 was one of the "spoiled". Na then I come balance. We plenty. If sister that owns a ministry that invited and hosted Chinyere Udoma for 3 days is "spoiled", wetin members go do kwanu?
The prophet refused to bless the seed unless an "unspoiled" person came to pray on it. I racked my brain for where Jesus did that. Fortunately for us "spoiled" lots, one boy stepped out and rescued us. He said he was a vi!*rg*in. Prophet asked for his age and he said 20. Prophet launched into a tirade on how girls were promiscuous and how a boy who should be promiscuous bailed us out.
I didn't give a tiny rat's a$$. I was busy thinking about the Prophetess whose polo I bought for 1500, who condemned married people for copulating before coming to her for prayers as it was unholy, who called out a boy and a girl in front of the church and accused them of having $e × before stepping into her holy grounds and went ahead to warn them that if they should do so again, they would face God's wrath, who called out an Isieke student in front of the church and in the name of prophecy accused her of 4nica@ting with different men and having ab0rti!ons. Yet she herself was a copulatee.
It was hilarious really. On our way home, one of the holier than thou sisters told me that, "some of us may still be vi!*rg ins but we were afraid to come out because of security reason. I mean you never know who is targeting you..." I laughed in my mind. Look at this one. Who deceiveth thou? Thinketh thou that I art a learner? Taa shut up spoiled person ibe m. Fellow spoilee trying to wriggle out.
When I got tired of her excuses I told her; "sister do you remember the story of Ananias and Sapphira who kept their proceeds away from the church for selfish reasons and how they were struck dead because of that? Ehen. If you are a v!rg*in and you refused to come out because of whatever reason, be prepared for your own brutal punishment".
Stop Associating Age With Intelligence and Comprehension of The Things Around Us
That shut her up till we got to the main road and got a bike. I told this story to whomsoever cared to listen. How Prophet refused to bless the seeds unless a v!!rgi*n came forth. A what-would-Jesus-do moment. Jesus would be so proud.
Of course, I didn't tell it to my folks at home for very obvious reasons. I still love my extra chunky bowl of soup.
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